On Being Naive.

.....The past handful of weeks have been interesting, ever since the word starting coming out on Their Excellencies stepping down later this year. It's pretty much been a given that myself and Marquessa Laurellen will submit our names for consideration and we've had a number of rather intense conversations with various people on our perceived strengths and weaknesses. Most of those perceptions are not new to me. But there have been a couple of real eye openers. It's already been interesting how different the process is this time versus either of the previous runs.

.....This will be the third submission of my name for consideration. I remember the first time I went through this approximately ten years ago. It was myself and Catelin Spenser. I remember the night we gathered in her computer room at her little house in Bremerton. We were so excited as we crafted that letter full of references to Arthurian Romance and Mythos. In our minds eye we were seeing quests and pageants of chivalry and all manner of courteous meetings at the Round Table of our creation. We were so naive. But the dream was so real and seemed so attainable at the time.

.....We were not selected on that occasion, and it was probably a good thing as we really weren't ready to lead the Barony out of the Maria years. The Barony was a broken place at that time and the very best thing that could have happened was Ralg and Tsuruko.

.....The second time I submitted my name it was with Talia. I went into it with a very different attitude this second time. There was a lot less of the dreaming and a lot more of the theatrical. Probably why Talia and I hooked up. We were riding the same coat-tails others were with dreams of pageantry and color this time. The Barony of Dragon's Laire storming across the Kingdom with the banners flying and the cries of the people doing their best to 'speak forsoothly'. Again I think I was rather naive as I had a vision but I didn't have a clear path on how to take all the various different groups of people in the Barony and have them move forward as one. That's always the trick though.

.....So, now we're at the third submission. Or about to be. And I'm asking myself a lot more questions than I think I ever did before. Serious questions on what is happening in the Barony. What can be done to improve things. What good things can be emphasized. What would I do differently. These are all good things to think about and I'm giving it all serious thought. But I wonder where the dream is. I need to work more on connecting with it. It's all well and good to be serious and come up with serious ideas and solutions. But you can't lose sight of the dream, it's just as important as the serious solutions. Or else, why bother?

.....I think the other real change is the person with whom I'm submitting. With Catelin and Talia, at the end of the day we went our separate ways. So there was definitely a certain amount of autonomy. The demons I fought with myself were my own and I didn't expect Catelin, or Talia, to fight them with me or for me. But this time I am married to the person submitting with me. Nothing is done alone. The demons we both fight we have to fight together. It sounds good maybe on the surface, but it is not all good as the sharing of those demons can be a lot of work for both.

.....I am missing those heady times with Catelin tonight a little I think. And I certainly need to think a little less and dream a little more.

.....Aaron / Arontius.